The Road Trip up North

It's the super long weekend once again Multicultural and Multiracial Malaysia. In under an hour or rather 53 minutes from now the best buddy and I are heading up north. He obviously is heading home while I will be enjoying my last few days of unemployment ( yes I have a job - more on that later) I would have loved to have gotten a wink of sleep but unfortunately due to the loud crackers to mark the arrival of the wooden horse I unfortunately have had no sleep. So I shall have to rely on coffee coke music and naturally the best buddy to keep me company. 

To all the readers of this blog Gong Xi Gong Xi Fat Chai 

Five years on....

I've been trying really hard since this morning to keep myself as occupied as possible... Trying to divert my focus to other things giving it the importance it doesn't deserve.

Reason? 

Five years ago on this day I lost my grandfather unexpectedly .... Every year as the date approaches I find myself reliving the moments that lead up to that time. 

I've never really said this ever but my late grandfather was in the best state of health despite being 95 agreed he was mostly asleep but his vital organs were functioning at its best should memory serve me right. 

He was most definitely weak because he was never much of a foodie sticking to his 1 meal a day for as long as I can remember. 

There was a certain individual that had given him a vitamin b injection that evening, and instead of administrating it in the drip that he was on for not wanting to eat. The said doctor gave him an injection directly as they would usually do to normal young adults. 

The result of which we believe gave him a cardiac arrest. What's sad and painful is that till this very day no one will speak of it. Those who know of the situation stay silent not wanting to cause a stir .... And me? I tried voicing it out but was told to stay silent as we did not have any proof. 

My late grandfather was a man of principles, there was a huge generation gap between the grandchildren and him , we were never privileged enough to have sat with him and have a candid chat about life. We did however have to face him if we did badly in school - and yours truly was a regular.

He once sat me down and said .... "if you don't buck yourself up right now I will be extremely angry and disappointed in you because I know how intelligent you are ... do not make me turn my face away from you". And if he said that, he most definitely meant business ... Years on I went on to graduate and he gave me the most beautiful 25k carat gold plated roller ball pen valued at about RM1,800 and said "you have done me proud...and for that I give you this pen to start your journey that you have chosen for yourself" ... Nanaji the journey I choose was dictated by you when you gave me my first Parker pen valued at RM 5, just like you I had a fascination of pens and that lead to my fascination with writing. So really you determined my career path years ago :)

If he were alive today he would have been very upset with the obstacles I faced in recent times but would have been extremely proud of me for hanging on to every belief I have and coming out of it the way I am. 

I sometimes wish I could bring you back and we could go back in time and relive the moments in Section 12 but alas reality hits in that those who have departed will never come back. 

Thank you for giving me the best childhood moments any grandchild could ask for , despite your sternness there was a lot of love and warmth for me. I do hope wherever you are , you are still being the stubborn man you were. Because my stubbornness comes from you - you knew what you wanted and you did it. Well I'm a replica of you in that way ;) 

I hope my Portuguese grandmother and you are having the best of romance in the after world ... You best speed that up because my other grandmother isn't going to like it when she finds out what you have been upto :p 

I love you Nanaji ... And I'm doing okay just that there are somedays that a better then the others but that's just life and you deal with the cards you're dealt with ... 

Lust , Like and Love ...

I was having a candid discussion with a friend recently when we somehow got into the discussion of the above; unlike the hardcore romantics out there I do not believe in 'Love At First Sight' yes grumble all you want but I don't - I do believe in Like/Lust at First Sight thou - allow me to explain :

When you meet someone for the first time - what gets you first is their appearance , their dressing sense etc ... how in the world can one equate this love ? Would it not be superficial then? People are attracted to a lot of things in a person of the opposite sex - mostly what they find appealing to them; personally for me , intelligence plays a major factor in it. If a guy had all the looks in the world but did not have the intelligence to match it - for me it would be of no use. Similarly if a guy was an average looking person but had a strong personality/intelligence - was not afraid of making a stand in his views on different topics - ranging from sports to politics and beyond infinity it would most definitely catch my attention.

Intelligence and wit are the best dress sense a person can have , for hours of conversations on random topics intrigue me - for a person who is knowledge hungry like me; learning new things on a daily basis through someone else - as in understanding the person view point provides me with a platform of learning - i consider it free tutoring :P

It is after a great deal of time , does that lust or like transcend  onto the next stage of it , assuming you lust for someone with good looks - it should then take a natural progression towards liking that person - this is where you get to know that person on a greater level - this is where you take the time to understand that individual better - not just that  layer of superficiality that she/he may have for the world. As human beings we tend to mask ourselves and hide our emotions and true feelings - simply because we do not want to be vulnerable.

It is during this phase of that 'relationship' does the said person start peeling those layers off - depending on how many layers the person has (this depends on the kind of past adventures/misadventures that person has gone through) allowing you to understand them on an entirely different level. This of course depends if the both of you are on the same page :)

So yes - essentially to me Love is like a plant - you first bury the seeds beneath a pile of soil ... you nurture it along the way, protect it from pesticides, pull out the weeds , water it , give it enough sunshine and after many months of effort put into it will you the labor of your love :)

Love takes time, sometimes it grows on you , often times it doesn't but whats important to remember is that no matter what the outcome of it maybe - never regret that moment that journey - because in that journey of nurturing what you felt for someone else - along the way you understood yourself better as a person.

On that note, have a fantastic Monday ahead :)


  

In Tribute

The bestie lost her grandfather this noon, he was very much in all essence my grandfather as well because we are soul sisters .... for the first time in my life, I did not know how to console her - for I know, feel and understand her pain - I'm going to be that silent pillar that she needs.

May his soul rest in peace - Thank you Nanaji , although we have never met but I can never forget the times that you helped me with my college journalism assignment that got me a distinction - or when you helped draft the gurmukhi version of my wedding card.

Dear V ....

In a blink of an eye I realized just this very moment it has been two months since you have passed on; there has never been a day since then where thoughts of you do not creep in- you were/are after all a dear friend both on a personal and professional level.

Who would have thought that meeting someone like you would have taught me many life-lessons, you held no grudges , knew no anger, and you were a man of very few words.

It amazes me sometimes, just how much you actually did mean to me on so many levels - you were my first point of contact whenever I would join/leave a company - simply because I needed you to get me free media coverage, and then later on the cheapest ad rates possible with the max number of insertions stretched out for as long as possible. I made your life miserable didn't I ? Lets just say that was payback :-P

There were times, when I sensed your loneliness especially when you spoke about how you could not have a discussion with her; on how not being able to have a general conversation on topics like politics and sports bugged you; There were many-a-times when I wanted to reach out to you - especially when you said " you have no idea what I am going through - and I cant even share it with you" but alas I couldn't because it wasn't my place and you made that decision years ago. I never liked seeing you drink your life away - in fact I had never known you to drink as much. You termed it as socializing with clients - I called it running away from your reality.

Do you remember the last time we spoke over the phone V? It was sometime around March/April of last year, and I believe it was in the wee hours of the morning - you spoke  briefly of your health issues where I believe I gave you an earful on how you should take care of your health. That morning you also apologized repeatedly - you felt you had ruined both our lives - If you must know V, I never held any grudges against you ... initially when it had all happened, YES I was bitter, but I never held a grudge against you.  Sometimes in life things happen for a reason unknown to us and we accept that reality and move on.

I most definitely am going to miss wishing you on your Birthdays, more so this year especially since you would have FINALLY turned 40! For years now I've been wishing you a happy 40th birthday, not knowing (well obviously) that you wouldn't be around for it when you finally approached it.

V, if your passing has taught me anything, it is that I should never hold back what I feel and that I should live every moment of my life the way you did. You worked hard and played harder , achieving everything you could.

World Cup will not be the same without you - the banters between us on the games and who would finally emerge as the winner will not be the same , (although believe you me Germany will take the cup this time ! :P)

More then a decade as friends on a personal and professional level was too short a duration V, you left way too soon. You will always be missed - but somewhere in my heart I know although you are physically gone - whenever I need to speak to you , you will be there. I  have shared my thoughts with you recently; its just that now, I don't get a reply ...

Thank you for the memories V ... I'll cherish every one of them - you taught me how to celebrate life - and celebrate life I will...

*** ME***