Five years on....

I've been trying really hard since this morning to keep myself as occupied as possible... Trying to divert my focus to other things giving it the importance it doesn't deserve.

Reason? 

Five years ago on this day I lost my grandfather unexpectedly .... Every year as the date approaches I find myself reliving the moments that lead up to that time. 

I've never really said this ever but my late grandfather was in the best state of health despite being 95 agreed he was mostly asleep but his vital organs were functioning at its best should memory serve me right. 

He was most definitely weak because he was never much of a foodie sticking to his 1 meal a day for as long as I can remember. 

There was a certain individual that had given him a vitamin b injection that evening, and instead of administrating it in the drip that he was on for not wanting to eat. The said doctor gave him an injection directly as they would usually do to normal young adults. 

The result of which we believe gave him a cardiac arrest. What's sad and painful is that till this very day no one will speak of it. Those who know of the situation stay silent not wanting to cause a stir .... And me? I tried voicing it out but was told to stay silent as we did not have any proof. 

My late grandfather was a man of principles, there was a huge generation gap between the grandchildren and him , we were never privileged enough to have sat with him and have a candid chat about life. We did however have to face him if we did badly in school - and yours truly was a regular.

He once sat me down and said .... "if you don't buck yourself up right now I will be extremely angry and disappointed in you because I know how intelligent you are ... do not make me turn my face away from you". And if he said that, he most definitely meant business ... Years on I went on to graduate and he gave me the most beautiful 25k carat gold plated roller ball pen valued at about RM1,800 and said "you have done me proud...and for that I give you this pen to start your journey that you have chosen for yourself" ... Nanaji the journey I choose was dictated by you when you gave me my first Parker pen valued at RM 5, just like you I had a fascination of pens and that lead to my fascination with writing. So really you determined my career path years ago :)

If he were alive today he would have been very upset with the obstacles I faced in recent times but would have been extremely proud of me for hanging on to every belief I have and coming out of it the way I am. 

I sometimes wish I could bring you back and we could go back in time and relive the moments in Section 12 but alas reality hits in that those who have departed will never come back. 

Thank you for giving me the best childhood moments any grandchild could ask for , despite your sternness there was a lot of love and warmth for me. I do hope wherever you are , you are still being the stubborn man you were. Because my stubbornness comes from you - you knew what you wanted and you did it. Well I'm a replica of you in that way ;) 

I hope my Portuguese grandmother and you are having the best of romance in the after world ... You best speed that up because my other grandmother isn't going to like it when she finds out what you have been upto :p 

I love you Nanaji ... And I'm doing okay just that there are somedays that a better then the others but that's just life and you deal with the cards you're dealt with ...